did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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