dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
