so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
