So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
