Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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