either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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