my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
