he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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