Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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