I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
