Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
