no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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