By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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