My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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