So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize