My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
