Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
