I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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