Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
