Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
