Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.