My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.