Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These tits shall not be calmed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
