never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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