Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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