I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
