I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
