I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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