please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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