If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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