Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
