She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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