You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't notice because vodka
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
