Screwed.edu
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
