the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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