Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
