if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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