i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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