I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
