I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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