you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
