Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
