thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
