My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
