He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
