She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
