I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
