i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
4 words: hood of his car
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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