my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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