thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
