Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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