She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
