My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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