Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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