A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
