My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
