Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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