there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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