so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
