Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
