The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pants are for mortals
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
