i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
