Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
