His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
