I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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