My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
