You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
