He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my liver is dry heaving
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
