hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
